This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
