i just had sex bonerless
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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