Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
