I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
