now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
