The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
