update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
