i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
