Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
