Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
