i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
