I love black thongs
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize