If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
