So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
