Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
