Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
