True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Come share oat with me in your robe
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
