Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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