Moan for me like Helen Keller
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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