You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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