ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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