I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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