Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
