Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
two words...techno handjob
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
