im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She even gives head with a lisp.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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