where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize