but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
