I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
