hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
