Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
