I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
