I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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