his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
