Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
