I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
