i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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