dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
