He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My vagina just clenched in fear
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