She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
