when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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