And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
