dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
