Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
