omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
