He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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