I wish I only lived at night.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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