Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
