You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
