I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
