Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if only i could text you this smell
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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