i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
