you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
