I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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