i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
