trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
