Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
