There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
