This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
