i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My dick has a subreddit
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
