I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
