If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
