my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize