Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
