fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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