My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
