We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
