thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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