i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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