He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
