you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
