Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
