doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
