if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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